I stood at the altar in God’s presence. It was there he placed the words in my heart. I felt them, then spoke them aloud to him.
“I need you in the moments when I feel lost and my mind wanders far from you. Make my mind clear and free from distraction. I need you in the moments when my strength has weakened and I feel I can’t muster up anymore on my own. Be my strength and carry me. I need you in the moments when I will face great sadness, loss, and grief. Be my light and joy. I need you in the moments of doubt. Remind me why you are the answer. I need you in the moments when fear sets in and I cry out to you. Fill my heart with courage and victory over those things you have taken from me. I need you in the moments when outreach and evangelism scare me. Give me courage and remind me why you created me. I need you in the moments when I don’t have the answer. Help me lift up hope to someone in a hopeless situation. I need you in the moments when life seems to be spinning out of control and I can’t grab on to anything. Be the still, small voice, the only voice. I need you in the moments when my tongue can’t put into words what to say. Be my wisdom. I need you in these moments.”
I feel God was trying to teach me something. He gave me these words to speak back to him and I realize what he was trying to get me to understand. I need him, but do I want him? See he gives us a freedom of choice. Free will. He stands and waits for us to decide on him or the world. Revelation 3:20 says, Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him.
He waits for us to want him. He wants us to choose him. There is a difference between needing someone and wanting someone in your life. A need means you cannot survive without that person. A want is the desire to have someone. God is both. He is a need for everyone whether they know it and accept it or not. We need God in order to live. He gave us life. Breathes life into us every morning. The disconnect between the saved and unsaved is the moment of God-given free will. This is the message he wanted me to understand that night in the alter. Do we choose to want him? We go through life not thinking of the things that God provides for us because they have been given to us our whole lives so we have grown used to them. But let’s stop and take a look. Breathe in. Breathe out. That breath in our lungs, that is a gift that God gives to us. We need him for that breath. If we stopped breathing, we would die, right? But some still choose to give their moments and love to something/someone else. God gave us that freedom to choose. I have chosen to not only see that I NEED God in my life, but I choose to WANT him. Everyday. Everywhere. In every moment. Not because I feel I owe him something, even though that is true, but because he chooses to love me daily. My hope is that you do too.
Why wouldn’t we return love to the one who chose to give us life, died for us, listens to our cries, heals, and breathes life into our lungs every morning. That love is one that we can never repay, but we should choose to try to give all that we can to him daily. To thank him for choosing to give us life every day that we wake up. That is why we should say, God I WANT you in my fear moments. My doubt moments. My lost moments. My weak moments. My sad moments. My lack-of-courage moments. My out-of-control moments. And I also WANT you in the happy, good moments when I am overcome by your love. The moments when I feel such a joy I can’t describe. The moments when a newcomer is saved. To praise you, honor you, worship you, and to love you. He has chosen to love us in such a way that we can never return. Being the God that he is, I think he did it to remind us that there is always room to love him more, need him more and to want him more. Understand you NEED him today and choose to WANT him.
